Let me tell you about a friend of mine. She refers to herself as a man-eater. And while it may seem like a really harsh term, I think after everything she’s been through, this period in her life is totally justified. Now I know there are some women out there who are always man-eaters. They go after what they want and focus on themselves. And truth be told… I used to be one of those people. Well… I actually was referred to more as being a heartbreaker, and heartless but some of the same themes exist in both types of people.
I always thought that the time you’re in college is the time that you should spend focused on yourself. It’s the time you’re allowed to go absolutely wild and people will accept it. Because you’re young and allowed to make mistakes and be stupid. You want to make out with a stranger or the guy that lives down the hall? Sure… why not? In college I was single and had no one to answer to.
My friend on the other hand… Was in two long term (and long distance!) relationships since we were 17. Spending 5 years of your life with two guys that you’ve known since high school really makes you wonder who you are. The person you are at 17 evolves over time. What you want can change almost overnight! So imagine how you are after 5 years.
It’s like re-learning about yourself. Figuring out what it’s like to be single and how it is to actually to go on dates. It’s really hard! And as someone who is just getting out of a relationship that went on for a year and a half… I totally feel for her. Because right now, I don’t quite know who I am without him.
And just because I may have the years of being wild under my belt from college because I was single, doesn’t mean I’m coping with a break up any better than she is. We all deal with things differently.
Because she didn’t have the opportunity to talk to whoever she wanted while she was in college, she’s making up for those years now. And I honestly think that’s amazing because being single is the only time in your life that you’re allowed to be selfish. If you’re in a relationship and you say you need to focus on you, it almost sounds selfish. But when you’re single it’s commended. So have fun! Get wild! Exchange numbers with as many guys as you want. This is the only time in our lives where it’s okay to be young and stupid. Do it now.
Putting yourself out there and focusing on your needs isn’t a bad thing. And maybe man-eater isn’t the right word. It’s all part of the process of moving on and getting to know yourself again. And if anything that just makes her really strong. So maybe the word she should be using is powerful… instead of man-eater.