Lately I’ve been feeling the pull to write. Thoughts, questions, poems, songs? Everything!

And despite the fact that I’ve been writing for a while, every time I do, I judge myself. My inner critic comes out that questions if I’m a good writer. Then I judge myself to the point that I stifle myself and don’t share.

My mind flashes back to past experiences of not feeling like enough and I feel too old to be afraid of my past. I’ve decided to retire my inner critic and share more of the things that are on my mind.

Something that has been nagging me lately is our desire to be accepted and how it can play out in different dynamics.

We want love SO much. It makes sense, it’s human nature. But what happens when acceptance turns into enmeshment? What happens when, “I think” turns into “you have to think the same way as me?”

It can be scary to be so deeply entrenched in enmeshment. That the moment you do something of the opposing view you are seen as an other, as no longer a fit. And it can be a huge slap in the face when you realize that having your own thoughts is a problem because they’re different.

Why do we crave acceptance so much? Why do we crave it to the point of the exclusion of others? Why do people get so scared when someone “rocks the boat”? Why is the boat rocking from another opinion?

I find it interesting the groupthink that can exist in dynamics. It’s as if the moment an opposing view enters the mix it’s too much. It’s too different.

What is so wrong with being different and why are people shamed for it? And why be scared of others being themselves, when you also have the option to be yourself?

Why are people so scared to be themselves that they feel the need to stifle others?

Why do we not allow others the freedom to be themselves?

Why do people try to hold others back for their own comfort?

2 responses to “Dynamics”

  1. Welcome back, Steph! So glad you are following your urge to write and that you are sharing your work! I really resonated with the feelings you share in this post. Do you ever get that feeling when you want to highlight everything you read? Underline it to make it stand out because it was so good? Then you finish and realize the entire page is highlighted because every sentence gets better? That’s how I felt reading this post! Thanks for your vulnerability. Ive been asking myself so many of these questions lately (as you know) and coming to terms with being “Bad Gyal Margie” – who lives authentically without fear of rocking the boat. Time to live freely!

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: