A Letter to Myself- 2020

The last time I wrote A Letter to Myself was when I was in the thick of anxiety and depression a few years ago. Given the way this year went, it feels fitting to reflect again.

Dear Stephanie,

This year has been a rollercoaster to say the least.

Not just for you, but for the entire world. It flipped everything on its head. What looked stable, ending up being unsafe.

This timeframe was a mirror and had a lot of pain. It cracked everything open, exposed everything and everyone.

It’s no surprise that this all coincided with the strong feeling within yourself that changes needed to happen in your environment for your health.

As you were fighting to take care of yourself and get sleep, while Black people were fighting for their lives, there was also an awakening taking place within yourself that made you question what you want. In your environment, life and day to day.

What makes you happy? What keeps you healthy? What lights you up?

You made an intentional decision to prioritize your health above everything else. And this year forced you to when anxiety led to averaging one to two hours of sleep a night, while you battled PTSD and continued to work with a smile on your face.

This year forced you to acknowledge that your dreams of working for yourself, writing about mental health, being a health coach, yoga teacher, doula and podcast host are more than possible.

You can do it. Actually, not only can you do it, you already are doing it.

You usually wait until you hit a certain point to celebrate yourself. You continuously raise the stakes and then you don’t actually take the time to see how far you’ve come.

But it’s time to acknowledge something: you’re actively making positive changes in your life. However big or small, you’re putting forth the effort to take care of yourself and that is something to be proud of.

Looking back at two years ago, there’s so much that came from it. So many positive changes even though there was a lot of pain.

And right now because you’ve made it through the storm it can be hard to tell when the sunshine will show up. But it’s coming.

You’re more aware and you see the value in yourself that you didn’t always realize was already there inside you the entire time.

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